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I don’t think it is particularly controversial to suggest that things are bad. In high school history class, I remember musing to myself, “what would it be like growing up amidst a world war? A genocide?” And now, as I walk down the street to my 9-5, iced latte in hand, Tate McRae in my air pods, I think, “Ahh, it is like this.” Both an antagonist and symptom of our increasingly fascist nation is hyper-consumerism. The 9 trillion dollar wellness industry, a third of which is made up of spirituality-related goods and services, serves as a reservoir from which…
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The Cape Cod Veteran’s Ball is an event that may or may not have existed. Upon googling now, I cannot find an event or organization that matches what I am about to describe, but it is the story I was told and am going to tell you. Each year, the veterans of Cape Cod would raise money for a different cause. I suppose this already makes no sense because wouldn’t they raise money for veterans? I don’t know. I was four. I was four, very cute, and very, very famous. So famous, that this particular year, the veterans chose ME…
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A year ago, I was admitted to UCLA hospital for a mysterious ailment that had been plaguing me since October 2024. My parents rushed home from their anniversary dinner and my mom sat by my hospital bed as we rang in the new year. As the clock struck midnight, I received a letter, from me, from March 6, 2020. It read as such: Sup biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch What is poppinnnnn???? Wow you still alive? Disappointed but not surprised. Jk. Wow I really hope you’re laughing at this- knowing how FUCKED I was at this point in my life, and knowing it gets…
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WordPress offers daily writing prompts which I rarely entertain, but I’ve been in a slump and decided it could be a worthwhile exercise. “What gets better with age?” Yesterday, in attempts at stirring up my own inspirations, I took the daring plunge into my private tumblr where I kept my diary from approximately 2014-2019, the end of high school through college. I thought I’d be able to read it fairly unscathed giving the temporal distance I now have, but this wasn’t the case. The familiar ache of that age swiftly found its home in my chest as I scanned the…
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I need to work on not adding a preamble to all my posts. Let them speak for themselves yada yada. But I do feel this needs some context. Or rather, I’d like to provide some. This is out of my comfort zone – not to write, but to share. In the endless sea of disordered eating narratives centering white women (i.e. most of them), shockingly, I have always struggled to see myself in any of the representations. No description or portrayal ever felt as raw, disturbed, or revolting as I felt. So needless to say, tw for unfiltered description of…
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Perhaps it was instilled in me as a studio dancer, familiar with following an instructor alongside 20 or so similarly aged, shaped, and abled girls in a mirrored space from a young age. Perhaps it began with my blogilates obsession in 2011; I would do several videos a day in fevered attempt to lose the weight I’d put on from a prednisone prescription. Cassie Ho was my Chloe Ting. Frankly, the mass hysteria around Chloe during the pandemic was laughable. Perhaps it was my destiny, as a white, upper class woman who would find herself in New York City, mommy…
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On January 3, 2021 I was going for a quarantine walk. We were still enough in lockdown where people wore masks outside and crossed streets to avoid bursting the 6-foot bubble. It was a sunny day in Brentwood and I was most likely listening to Andrew Huberman (YEAH OK I was on that train) or something similar. Lost in the day dream of how skinny I’d be once I finally #LockedIn which accompanied these walks, I almost didn’t notice the woman calling me over from across the street. She had one of those little, white, crusty-eyed, yappy dogs on a…
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january – started the year with the most wonderful person in the whole world, got a job offer february – enjoyed last few days of unemployment, started new job, had ovarian cyst removed, same day, sister died march – finding footing at new job, really like it, home for memorial, chaos april – eclipse, babysitting this cute chubby baby, got some jeans i love, walked length of manhattan, oh word people are being brutalized across the country for standing against genocide and i have to go to this 9-5 may – celebrated matt’s bday, mom came to visit, bittersweet, Penn…
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This is me typing up excerpts from my journal entry today. Abridged but otherwise unedited. … I feel like I’ve had brain fog for the past 10 years and it has only gotten increasingly worse. I genuinely don’t know if I am capable of deep learning or planning or practice. I ruminate all the time but when I actually try to think about something it is so incredibly hard and unproductive. There are so many things I want to just sit down and figure out but I find myself spending hours to get nowhere. I don’t understand it … Balance…
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I have a friend who bakes bread. It always looks beautiful. Sometimes she brings it to her office or gives it to her friends. I don’t really care too much about being able to make bread for myself, but I do enjoy the idea of making it for others. Partly because I like to give gifts and what not, but more likely because baking for others is seen as generous, selfless, and worthy of praise. And I like praise. I asked my friend if she’d send me some starter and she said she would gladly. I missed out on the…
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Brain Rot 