Perhaps it was instilled in me as a studio dancer, familiar with following an instructor alongside 20 or so similarly aged, shaped, and abled girls in a mirrored space from a young age. Perhaps it began with my blogilates obsession in 2011; I would do several videos a day in fevered attempt to lose the weight I’d put on from a prednisone prescription. Cassie Ho was my Chloe Ting. Frankly, the mass hysteria around Chloe during the pandemic was laughable. Perhaps it was my destiny, as a white, upper class woman who would find herself in New York City, mommy still paying rent and a festering eating disorder to appease.

I have done every work out class that exists. Boutique studios are kind of like The Hydra, in that if one closes, three more will pop up, providing to the insatiable influencers, their wealthy disciples, and anorexic moms of any city that has a Real Housewives installment. So by saying I’ve tried them all, I’m saying any class I haven’t tried, I have tried the severed head that came before it.

This is a topic for another post, but my media diet around health and wellness is extremely contradictory. I am an avid consumer of anti-diet, anti-fatphobic media. My favorite podcasts are Maintenance Phase and Fad Camp. I follow body-neutral fitness influencers and generally know when I am being fed absolute bullshit regarding movement, food, and wellness (99% of the time.) I also had to delete twitter because I found myself irrevocably on eating disorder twitter. When my boyfriend and I go from watching reels on our individual phones to watching reels on one phone (modern romance!!), we must watch on his phone because mine is 84% “here is how I lost weight/ transformed my body / glowed up etc.” And so, amongst this stew of contradiction, I see a lot of workout class reviews online. And considering these reviews come from a range of perspectives from person with a genuine education in fitness to girl who has 5 million followers because she had her ribs removed…. it is a mixed bag. So, I present my 100% correct, not to be disputed, fitness review.

FINAL CAVEAT: move your body however you want lol these are just my feelings

ACTUAL FINAL CAVEAT: I have had several ClassPass subscriptions under different emails. I went to the lengths of getting on a ZOOM CALL with PENN TECH SUPPORT to access my college email to try and find the receipts to previous classes… but alas… I could not track down the evidence of these old accounts. So, this is not an exhaustive list, and I shall be updating as I take more classes and/or I remember classes of the past.

Spinning

Soul Cycle

Soul Cycle is one of the few classes where I genuinely fear I may throw up, pass out, or both. I cannot comprehend how some people do it daily. The spiritual and uplifting messaging is comedically disjointed from the manic pedalling and fear of death I experience. I go back about once every 2 years. I think it must be similar to having a baby. Everyone else seems to be able to handle it. And it wasn’t that bad, was it? Yes it was – and even the most enticing Chapel Roan x Billie Eilish x Charli XCX themed playlist can’t make up for the suffering.

You are meant to pedal to the beat of the music, so everyone is pedalling in sync, which seems cool, but it means that if you need to go slower you feel like an absolute loser failure.

The draw, I guess, is the cultishness. While it isn’t for me, I am sure there is some sort of primal part of us that is tickled when you are rhythmically pulsing in time with a pack of 40 other humans. For me though, it feels like this:

Flywheel

RIP Flywheel. This was like SoulCycle minus the BS. Of course almost any workout class comes with some motivational messaging, but compared to SC, Flywheel is dialed waaayyy back. You also don’t pedal to the beat, so you can genuinely go at your own pace. That said, you are given target ranges and there’s a competitive element. Honestly, it was very similar to peloton. Counterintuitively, while it had leaderboards and was less “let’s go on an emotional journey,” I found it way easier to do my thing and be challenged without feeling like shit.

CYCLEBAR

Ah the glorious Hydra! Cyclebar is a lot like Flywheel from what I remember. I think I’ve only gone once though because with the plethora of fitness classes in NYC, spin will never be a first choice, only a masochistic one.

Bootcamp/Circuit

Orange Theory

BOOOOOO. Crack science. WTF is an orange zone (trick question it is a marketing tactic). The weight section felt poorly designed and I got little feedback. The running was…. enough said. I just don’t think you can successfully run a class with three different modalities and one instructor.

Barry’s

Literally orange theory but without the random accessories and orange zone b.s.

To be fair, I have taken one Barry’s class and it was outdoors during covid. But yeah again… treadmill.

F45

LOVE. I think F45 gets a bad rap in the same way Barrys and Orange Theory do. I think right now we are in an era of poo poo-ing intense workouts in lieue of “softer” alternatives like inclined walks and pilates. It is just the pendulum of capitalism and means nothing. It is true that excessive full energy workouts are not great for you especially if not done in tandem with proper food, rest, and recover, but I think if you are looking for something to push you, F45 is great.

As someone who is pretty familiar with the gym, F45 provides novel movement and exciting workouts. I could not recreate an F45 workout on my own even if it is using equipment I could find at my local gym. Here, the expertise of the instructors and their programming is worth the cost of the class. Some boutique fitness joints hire for aesthetic, but F45 feels like they hire for knowledge.

The music is usually banging, there is a good community vibe but not a culty one, and the workouts are hard but engaging, interesting, and adaptable. They follow a similar structure to CrossFit in that all locations do the same workout each day, but the classes never repeat. There a certain “kinds” of classes that inform you what kind of workout you are walking into (i.e. the “Hollywood” is a 60 minute hybrid cardio/resistance workout), but I have never taken two classes that felt the same.

Boxing

Rumble

Rumble is my go to for a high intensity class. It is 50% boxing 50% weights. I do not think it is great for a beginner. When I started attending, I had a pretty good foundation for boxing and weight lifting. When classes are full, instructors have to split their attention between those lifting and those punching, which means inevitably there is very little one-on-one feedback. But if you feel comfortable with this kind of movement, Rumble is a super fun, clubby vibe and is in the sweet spot of challenging but not defeating.

BoxUnion

Awww :’) BoxUnion is the one studio that ever got me to cancel my ClassPass subscription. I started going when I’d just moved back to LA post undergrad. And I ended up working for them during quarantine as a production assistant for their digital platform.

BU is also a boxing/strength class. Unlike Rumble, they don’t have separated space for the strength portion, so in that way they are a bit more limited. That said, I loved the coaches (granted this was 4 years ago) and prefer the boxing programming at BU to at Rumble. BU is box to the beat, so you strike the bag to the beat of the music. While this was unachievable to me at SoulCycle, it was ELECTRIC at BoxUnion. And tbh, punching in unity is a lot more empowering than pedalling.

Box ‘N Burn

Box ‘N Burn is a more classic boxing class. You alternate between sparring, bag work, and conditioning. This was one of, if not my first, boxing classes ever. It is definitely more no frills – it isn’t an aesthetic IG workout, but it is a killer workout, and I would reccomend to anyone who is genuinely interested in boxing.

Foxy&Fierce

Admittedly I have a bit of a bias against studios that are #GirlBoss coded. But name aside, this presented as a pretty run of the mill workout class. Located in a strip mall in Hollywood, this was pretty no frills. Just some conditioning and drills with a partner, but I would recommend to someone interested in kickboxing.

Pilates

[solidcore]

BOOOOOOOO. UGHHHH. First of all, this is NOT PILATES. It is a high intensity workout on a megaformer. It is so freaking hard. I am not the strongest girl in the world, but I am reasonably in shape and exercise regularly, but I always feel horrible about myself in these classes. Do not recommend.

SLT

Much more palatable [solidcore]. It also utilizes a megaformer and has an emphasis on core work, but it just is a bit more reasonable. It does lack the club vibe of [solidcore] if that is your jam. It is not my favorite, but I do return here and there when I want a challenging workout that isn’t necessarily cardio heavy.

WundaBar

Similar to SLT, but I have had mixed experiences with instructors. Worth a try but also not missing out much.

Pilates Habitat

This gem in Gramercy Park is pilates. It definitely is not for everyone. No frills studio, no music during classes, and you will by no means work up a sweat, but the classes are a good combination of educational, challenging, and restorative. I tend to go when I need something that won’t be too straining on the body or to improve my pilates technique.

Body Evolutions

Now we’re talking. You won’t necessarily leave Body Evolutions dripping in sweat or trembling in the legs, but it is a more honest portrayal of pilates and you can get a decent challenge depending on the instructor. There are several locations, but across the board the studios are pretty no frills – definitely not the clubby vibe of solidcore and may not live up to your #pilatesprincess expectations.

Club Pilates

Eh. Lackluster. Feels a little soulless lol. Maybe I’m being too harsh. It is fine.

Avea Pilates

If it is a pilates princess you desire to be, look no further. Avea is a great workout in a clean and sleak studio. I always feel challenged but never discouraged.

Live Lagree

This is an LA studio and it is great! Lagree isn’t pilates, but they don’t claim to be pilates (ahem solidcore). It is a medium intensity workout with a good balance of strength and cardio on a megaformer machine.

VAURA

If you like the club vibe of [solidcore] but want to not be in misery, VAURA is a great option. The workouts are on a normal reformer, not a megaformer, and are challenging, medium sweaty, but fairly fast paced for a pilates-based class. There are also mirrors on the ceiling which… up to you how you feel about that.

WhitFit

This place is cute! The heated class is not that heated and their reformers are mini baby reformers (like the ones tiktokers try to make you buy off temu). But the vibe is good, it is borderline #GirlBoss coded, but just the good parts. I recommend for someone who is pilates curious.

Gramercy Pilates

Mehhh. Probably would not return to. Didn’t love the instructor, studio isn’t very nice, there are multiple classes going at once. I found myself a little lost and it just wasn’t for me. Like just the negative features to Pilates Habitat but not the good.

Power Pilates

Same as Gramercy Pilates. Just not quite what I need. Studio has kind of a weird vibe and seems to attract an older crowd.

Practice Room

Hmmmmmm. Hot pilates is rare and high coveted. I have very mixed feelings about this place. It is mat pilates only, no reformer, offering other sculpt adjacent classes. The amenities are great and I enjoy the class. It is also always booked and full of size 0 girlies in alo and set active – a breed you find at any workout class but it is particularly insidious here.

BK Pilates

In the same league as Avea or Body Evolutions …. perhaps I should have better organized the categories. Alas!

Pilates Cave

Soooo cute. This is an LA studio and would go just for the aesthetics alone. Small class size, good vibes, and the class was very challenging but not discouraging.

BodyRok

Solidcore Lite. It has the club vibes ish as solidcore. It is in a similar vein to solidcore or SLT. I have mixed feelings. I have had some great classes and some pretty rough ones. Definitely more of a cardio hybrid workout than true pilates. And it is megaformer so… bleh.

Heatwise

LOOOOOOVE. Currently one of my fav classes. Heated, sweaty, no mirrors. Similar to Y7 but better imo. I really enjoy this place.

Yoga

CorePower

Oh sweet sweet CorePower. If you’ve tried yoga you’ve probably tried here. I think it is a pretty good entry to yoga especially if you start with CS1. I enjoy the heated aspect and get a good balance of challenge and restoration. I think Yoga Sculpt is a fucked up joke though… People who regularly do it are another breed. Yoga should be removed from the title.

bode

Hmmm. I admittedly don’t think I enjoy yoga enough for bode. They offer 75 and 90 minute classes which just are too much for me. The one 75 minute class I took was haarddd and HOT and I had to pause multiple times. I also tried a heated HIIT class (masochism moment) and literally thought someone was going to die. People were getting up to leave throughout. So could be good for someone who loves yoga but skip the other classes. Studio itself is pretty bare bones.

Ofrenda

This is a cutie studio in East Harlem. The heated classes are more ~warm~. The classes are small and the instructors feel like real people. No mirrors as well. I like this place when you need to just flow with normal humans and not the alo robots of lower Manhattan.

Humming Puppy

Genuinely feels like place devoted to yoga principles. Borderline cult vibes in the actual studio with the way the mats are set up around the instructor but that’s ok. There’s tea and a really nice energy to the lobby. You do your yoga to some sort of noise frequency and the instructor uses singing bowls at the end. Does any of it mean anything? Idk, but it feels good.

Dance

305 Fitness

305 is so fun. I used to love dance cardio workouts and should probably do more of them. You feel like you are at a party. There is a DJ, there are strength and core elements in addition to the dance. I like 305 because I think it is hypothetically accessible to anyone (you may feel lost the first few classes if you’re a non-dancer) but the movement is definitely more dance-y than cardio-y than some spots. You will be shaking ass.

Sculpt and Adjacent

Salt Drop

Honestly do not know where to categorize this. The workout kind of felt like something you’d do in your room when you’re 13. Some jumping here, some stretching there, a couple squats. The studio is small, intimate, and at the moment run entirely by two people, so if you are looking for a tight nit community and a relationship with the studio then this is great, but it wasn’t for me.

Pvolve

Yo I do NOT get the hype. All the girlies on instagram have been raving about Pvolve and I found it to be so strange. It feels like more of a gimmick. The parts that were challenging were more awkward than physically demanding. Did not feel like there was a real technique or purpose to our movement – or rather whatever ideology was the foundation of this place is more bogus pop-science like Orange Theory.

Y7

I haven’t tried Y7 for yoga, but I have done their sculpt class. If you like heated and if you like sculpt workouts (low weights, high reps) then this is great. You will definitely sweat. Each instructor has a bit of their own take on the programming which can be a good thing or bad thing depending on your preference for reliability vs variety.

Barre

barre3

Bleh. But that is kind of my take on barre in general.

Pure Barre

See above. Barre operates on the notion that burn = it is working. These tiny, unfamiliar pulsing movements will burn, and I will not say that this is a fruitless workout, but I do think it is a bit dishonest for the less fitness savvy to imply that there is a correlation between “feeling the burn” and the efficacy of a workout. I also just don’t love the culture of this place – gives me ballet flashbacks.

Miscellaneous

Trampoline ????

I did a trampoline workout in Philly during undergrad. It was horrible, but this was not the studios fault per se. I just was deep in a restriction phase and had to keep sitting down so I wouldn’t pass out lol. SLAY. Very much a you love it if you love it kind of thing. Definitely require a lot of cardio stamina which I do not have. And you will feel silly in a room of adults on mini trampolines but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

PlateFit

This may be the silliest workout I’ve ever done. It is in / right by the Brentwood Country Mart which tells you all you need to know. (For those who do not know it shares real estate with Goop and a place that sells $25 smoothies). Imagine those ridiculous shaking machines from the like 60s lined up in a room and then you… do pilates on them? Very strange.